The line above, from The Lord of the Rings—the film version, at least; I’ve never read the book(s)—describes all too well my current mental state. I’m not as old as Bilbo is when he offers Gandalf that line, but I do feel stretched, and the despair that that feeling brings has begun to infect my heart.

It is because of this that I, the classic example of an overcommitter, am taking a break from committing to anything until June. It’s a break from blogging, from writing, and from any new projects whatsoever. It might be more than a break, in fact. It could be a retirement. I don’t know yet. All I do know is that living at the pace I’m living is going to kill me, and I’m not ready to die.

The primary goals of this break are threefold:

1. I hope to learn how to say no.
2. I hope to learn how to focus on what really matters in my life.
3. I hope to learn how to enjoy living again.

In order to do so, I’ve decided to begin this journey, right here, by outlining the three main reasons I overcommit. Because, when it comes right down to it, it’s my willingness to spread myself too thin that is at the root of much of my anxiety.

So, the main reasons I overcommit are:

1. Money
2. Low Self-Esteem
3. A Desire To Be Helpful

Let’s explore these further.

Money. Because of the extraordinary debt my wife and I are in—$18,299.38 in credit card debt, plus our mortgage, student loans, and an auto loan—I constantly seek out secondary and tertiary money-making projects. Regardless of how hard I work, however, we never seem to make a dent. So, I keep looking for more ways to make money.

Low Self-Esteem. I agree to nearly every project that is pitched to me because I end up feeling so flabbergasted that anyone would want to work with me that to say no seems unforgivable. “What will happen,” my brain seems to ask me, “when they wake up and realize that you’re useless, and not worth their time?”

A Desire To Be Helpful. I also overcommit myself out of a desire to help others out. I can’t stand to see others struggling with something when I could help, even if me helping isn’t feasible.

Right now, I have a great primary job doing marketing communications. I’d like to get to a point where that is my only job. That’s part of what this break is about, too. In May, my wife and I will sit down and analyze our finances to see what’s possible. But I want to enter that discussion with the resolve that I will never again be a guy who is working a regular job, plus teaching three college-level classes, plus editing someone’s memoirs, plus writing for two blogs, plus pitching his novel to publishers and agents, plus getting ready for a new baby, plus, plus, plus. And, to do that, I need a break. I need to finish the things I’ve committed to finishing, then step back and figure out what’s next, and how never to end up here again.

Thank you for understanding. I’ll see you again in June. In the meantime, I’ll still be tweeting @ecc1977 on Twitter, so you check out what I’m to there.

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In this week’s episode of Here’s the Story, I read my short story “The Silver Family Singers,” and I talk about how it grew out of a failed attempt at the RPM Challenge.

You can listen in via the embed above, by downloading the mp3, or by subscribing to the feed (which is also available through the iTunes store).

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In this week’s episode of Here’s the Story, I read my short story “Tomorrowland,” and talk about the Space Mountain misadventure that inspired it.

You can listen in via the embed above, by downloading the mp3, or by subscribing to the feed (which is also available through the iTunes store).

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In this week’s episode of Here’s the Story, I read my short story “Ian,” and talk about how it grew out of a description of the vile protein shake I once drank to lose weight.

You can listen in via the embed above, by downloading the mp3, or by subscribing to the feed (which is also now available through the iTunes store).

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In this week’s episode of Here’s the Story, I read my short story “Carl,” and talk about how it helped me understand a football player who was once my mortal enemy.

You can listen in via the embed above, by downloading the mp3, or by subscribing to the feed (which is also now available through the iTunes store).

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It was about thirteen years ago (or so) that a jam in my friend Jon Martin’s basement gave birth to the song “Never Forget”. I wrote the lyrics, Andy Hicks (now the force behind The Pluto Tapes) provided the chord progression, and the rest of the band joined in. After a few takes, we had one of the best songs I ever wrote for the group.

A couple of years later, after the band had been broken up for sometime, Andy, Jon, and I were driving around the north shore of Massachusetts (at least I think that’s where we were—it was dark). Andy had his guitar with him, and for one reason or another, we got around to talking about “Never Forget”. He suggested a revision of the chord progression because the original version was too hard to play, and I started work on revising the second two verses (both of which were a little too riddled with in-jokes). It was the last time I’d ever play the song with him (at least so far).

A year or so after that, I set down to record an album for MP3.com under the moniker Pop Bubblegum Trash, and decided that the third verse I wrote on that evening with Andy and Jon still needed work. I rewrote it, and recorded a PBT version of the song that featured the original chord progression as a bassline, on top of which I layered stock guitar loops, a stock drumbeat, and some hastily recorded vocals.

I’ve never been satisfied with that version of the song, and I’ve ached to perform it again ever since. Well, this past November, during a Sunday evening of live piano karaoke at Studio 99 in Nashua, New Hampshire, Studio 99 mastermind (and our accompanist for the evening) Elise MacDonald made my dream come true by working her way through the progression while I sang a version of the song that finally lived up to my expectations (at least for now).

You can watch that version via the embed above, or by visiting Viddler or YouTube. You can also download an MP3 of this live version right here.

Singer/songwriter is one of those hats I rarely put on these days, but I do like the way it fits, and I’m sure I’ll wear it again sometime soon.

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E. Christopher Clark and his in-laws find out what happens when you put socks on a Boston Terrier.

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In this week’s episode of Here’s the Story, I read my short story “One Last Time,” and talk about how I got myself out of the continuity corner I painted myself into.

You can listen in via the embed above, by downloading the mp3, or by subscribing to the feed (which is also now available through the iTunes store).

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In this week’s episode of Here’s the Story, I read my short story “After the Prom,” and talk about how reading comic books influenced my shared universe approach to writing fiction.

You can listen in via the embed above, by downloading the mp3, or by subscribing to the feed (which is also now available through the iTunes store).

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In this week’s episode of Here’s the Story, I read my short story “The Word on the Ceiling,” and explain how the story evolved out of a desire to understand what made my ex-girlfriends tick.

You can listen in via the embed above, by downloading the mp3, or by subscribing to the feed (which is also now available through the iTunes store).

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E. Christopher Clark takes his daughter Kaylee to Cinderella’s Castle at Story Land in Glen, New Hampshire, and Kaylee isn’t so sure she wants to meet & greet the princess.

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In this week’s episode of Here’s the Story, I read my short story “Al and Rob,” and explain how the story evolved because of requests from early readers of my novel who wanted to learn more about the parents of the main characters.

You can listen in via the embed above, by downloading the mp3, or by subscribing to the feed (which is also now available through the iTunes store).

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E. Christopher Clark unboxes his family’s new Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZS3 digital camera.

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